bravery and boredom

When one requires bravery to do the simplest of things one can feel… less than… good about herself.

I wish I could cut the bull and just feel better.

I’m usually so good at that… right…right?

I’d prefer to see myself as the control freak I’ve become and I know that a hard lesson to learn is that we can’t control everything, so I’m just gonna point the finger at myself.  Its kind of therapeutic and therefore yogic in my post modern eyes.  I’m going to say that feeling like you can control everything is hurting you right now.  This scares me because I now am worrying that I’m not worrying enough about the things that might benefit from attention.  Sometimes it feels like you could have left yourself behind, right?  That’s a feeling that other humans have.  I go in and out of it.  A lot of people do I think.  I wish that it felt less intense for me.  I don’t want to be sent away to go find yet another thing to control.  I want to stop feeling this pressure that makes me feel so bad :(.


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