manic pixie dream girl

i want to write about this whole manic pixie dream girl thing.  admission: i love cheerleading.  the whole dream girl thing is patriarchy’s fault, not mine.  sorry, not sorry.

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I thought that just “the perfect” shot of how it feels to be tossed into the air and caught would suffice, and then I was so compelled by these images, and what I just wrote is kind of revealing to myself.

Do we seek danger just so that we can then know safety?  I’m not sure that that’s true of me, but the whole being thrown into the air thing got me thinking…

Being a “storyteller” is a gift.  I’m kind of rooted in reality though so when I say something I generally mean it, and I’m generally an encouraging person when encouragement is called upon.

I bet all there are tons of cheerleaders out there just like me.

I suddenly feel like my world makes me sense, want to vomit at either this “complex” that I have or the nausea thats been building.  Nausea?  Wow I had kind of spaced that out.  Good thing I’m thinking about something as awesome as cheerleading, and my ability to find meaning in cheerleading astounds even myself.

It’s kind of not a bad day.

That’s why I like “6 a.m. Monday Morning Coffee.”  Its a concept.  I don’t know how to explain it.  Maybe its just my thing and since I’m a writer or whatever I use words to describe fucking everything and it drives me nuts sometimes cause there are often no words for feelings, and then it becomes just not worth giving a shit about feelings if they can’t be made sense of.

Earlier I was thinking about how I miss writing in my journal and how for some reason I just can’t, and it’s not like how it used to be, and then I was like “maybe my life is changing, maybe I’m changing,” and I felt less worried.

I didn’t know that when Melissa Collins said “there is no perfection.  there is only striving for excellence,” that I’d be so affected by it.  To be honest with you I was a little irritated by yoga this morning.  Its kind of heady and heavy and for a perfectionist like me, it really puts a lot of pressure on me, and to be honest with you, yoga has made me feel like a failure.  I know that the virtues to yoga are endless, but just like anything else in life, so are its vices.  Suffice to say, that yoga was not so bad this morning Rodney ;).


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