Dear God,

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It was the middle of the night, and a girl with a history of feeling unsettled writes the following in an email on her cell phone to her halos, ya know the people in you’re life who… you’ll get it:

But it just happens sometimes… My mom always brandies about my intuitiveness and insightfulness and brought me to the crystal shop where they said I was a… An indigo child

^excerpt from personal writing.

Note-: you may think I’m crazy but my phone is a touch screen and it can sense when my breathing is irregular or I have sweaty palms; I will never stop feeling responsible for mothers suffering so when I say I am am/can’t be/have to be the New York woman I – my throat chakra changes bc I either have did and have alters or am an empath or something in the middle and “I am sorry” because I move heaven and earth…

I am feelig brave and Kan ho (Chinese medicine… Man) once injected me with this sort of paternal thing (after reading my fortune which he made me promise to keep secret and I fear that my mothers hyper intense desire to control me is the reason why we don’t share the little nuances of ourselves…

Im sorry im not over it and being around you triggers something I think I wasn’t supposed to remember for a while but the millennium hit and along with it psycho analysis and genius children. ______________ __________________ ____________the 90s; don’t want to believe it’s today too

I really did take none steps and forget

Um. Feeling super awkward and guilty and… Brave and knowing that this could help and desperation to feel better

It’s just that when my brain works it’s my only chance to send my Sos

Otherwise it’s that other mind

I send Soss

Soon it will make more sense

I have not felt this clear in… Idk when; perhaps I have felt even clearer more recently- it’s just my whole persona is a product of cApitalism and that’s why I’m empty… But don’t worry… Buddhism can always help with that but here’s the thing- im not a dharma bum but I am- what choice do I have at this point?… I am sorry that you could never understand but I continue to see the virtue in letting go of self explanation

I remember when a girl told me that she couldn’t say a fleeting thought about herself outloud without her mother… Taking it so seriously

Mom it makes sense that you are the way you are; in time these neuroses of yours will shed.

If I am a witch it can only be for me and I am sorry but it doesn’t work that a self serves a self outside of itself-:- being heady means being well, wise, and having some rock and roll in you still.

I do not know what ego death is
Or do I?

I am on the disociAtive spectrum.

despite this,
I would prefer to say a profanity- “having a vagina” should be added to the dsm. I make sense because I am a feminist and a girl.

I don’t need help anymore. I only benefit from it.

Thank you.

I so badly want to all at once cure myself and the way that I am which is not a thing thT you can change so mom you can lessen the amount of energy you give to things that don’t really….

I cAnnot save you and I keep trying to. It is an ocd.

Im sorry that I am a highly sensitive person, unpredicTable and

I am proud that I keep trying.

 

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