escapism

Coffee, cigarettes, & blockbuster.

These are the three things in life that make no sense.  When one is attempting enlightenment, abstinence from these nihilistic indulgences/sustenances is “necessary.”  As a millennial who is listening to Nirvana at the moment, I will admit that I crave being bombarded by a preponderance of things that are “bad for me.”  It just feels good, especially with all the stress… I mean I live in New York and I drink coffee and I can’t escape it.  The Hegelian irony of this all makes me feel… just that… Does that make sense?  Because obviously the band Nirvana.. and what nirvana actually is… and its kind of ballsy to call yourself that, and extremely clever, and that’s what Hegel is to me… but I prefer being unable to explain Hegel or any kind of philosophy because I am a lazy nihilistic person whose interest in philosophy is self-serving… I kind of hate the way I write.  I have to both assume my audience is an idiot, and assume that they can understand me.  What is it about people with minds like ours and how we feel this need to feel so individual and connected.  I cling to my individuality… otherwise… I perish, or so it feels.  My mind is coming back to me?  Myself is coming back to me?  I am a writer?  Everyone is a writer, but especially me, and that’s okay?  I feel scared of this being taken away from me.  One does not always have time or energy, or feel permitted for something that is either healing or self-indulgent.  Self- indulgence can be dangerous.

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