fascinations

Gisele.

I’m listening to “Breed” and I feel all… and then I hear ‘gisele’ and what “breed” really means, and hasn’t the “art” world come a long way, but still kind of sucks that I know more about the details of celebrealities without truly having been curious about them?  I don’t understand fascinations. Isn’t Gisele such an amazon and wouldn’t it be cool if that’s what he meant instead of “she said?”

nirvana candid

millennial poetry

WE don’t talk about how we’re feeling.  We just distract ourselves symbolically all day long…oh well… and it keeps getting better, and sometimes worse, and its life.

it’s all just a little bit of history repeating/and the 90s are over/so now i can know everything and just live/ours was a gentler peace than our parents’/thanks for reading be here now

In the winter times in NY millennials like to see themselves over and over again in each other and other things and themselves.  There’s lots of stuff.  Haven’t you noticed?  “yeah, but I’ll re-notice, or notice again, or notice in a new way.”…  “I think I get it… Oh wait… that’s cool too.”

I am listening to “Nevermind”, the actual CD and I capitalize cd not because it’s proper grammar, but because I fucking love CD’s, but I hate the feeling that’s about to come up (CD ending), but I know that that means its real life and I think that a lot of girls or people from the 90s who were over-medicated with adderall are now just constantly looking for things to cheer them up… but I mean… it’s better to not be someplace sunny getting skin cancer and finding my internal Vitamin D, right?…or is it Vitamin C?  I think we need both…anyway… still feel the need to point out my extreme subtlety.  I am desperately trying to be at the beach in my mind and I am in NY in the winter (just explaining the idea of this add atmosphere, and how it makes me super subtle, and I hate explaining my subtlety, but…oh well)… We are all clever elitist snobs.  Some of us are more interesting than others.  Some of us are really into being right about what we’re elitist snobs about, and some of us haven’t realized that its okay to be an elitist snob, and some of us are just elitist snobs hating each others’… mastery of their own elitist snobbery?  The CD just ended.  Nirvana ends.  Nirvana ends and begins again.  Or doesn’t.  I don’t know.  I’m a millennial.  I only wish I knew everything because its all right at my finger tips, but I also don’t like that… technology and shit… but it’s like… life in America… “go nicks”

self torture surrender

If the beach is where I belong, then of course I’m gonna end up with skin cancer, right?

penny lane

caffeine is a wonderful social lubricant, in my humble opinion

Studies show simply being around happy people makes you happy, right?  I don’t know.  I think it’d break my heart to see all those people thinking they were happy at the beach while they were getting skin cancer… or would it?  Do I have a way of sabotaging everything?  Why am I thankful for it.  It’s me.  I have a feeling my “thankfulness” for it is adaptive.  I’m pretty sure the fact that all I’m doing is “getting fucked up on caffeiene” and watching a movie I’ve avoided for… seven years… seven years… is it no coincidence that all I ever wanted was to be a writer, and I happen to be the perfect little poet?  I resent how quaint and cute I am.  I prey upon it to become stronger.  I really dig the extra “e” I put in caffeine.  I hate it without the extra “e.”  I think I’ll spell it caffeiene, and only I will ever know the real reason I did that.  Is this what it means to be a writer?  Gloria Steinem I’d rather be a regular woman like you than be a writer.  I know that you are a writer; it’s just that every woman is a writer, and I really think I’d like to leave it at that.

It’s like you’d never understand because I know how it feels to feel like Penny Lane in Almost Famous, and maybe you do and maybe you don’t; I hope you can.  There is a certain magic to us girls; resenting the preceding statement, I revert back to a side of me that strives to be solely analytical.

Gravity. Magic. Girls. Is there anything wrong with the preceding three words all in a row like that? I apologize to my loved ones for living as though I’m dying, but something about lighting Grandpa’s Yarzheit candle earlier today helps make that all go away.  Gratitude is fucking crazy man.

“Why are you taking love like it’s some kind of blessing?”

James Dean

mystery man

I feel like I know what James Dean was like.  I think most people could imagine.  James Dean I thank you for your sexy naivete: focused to the point of destruction<-I heard that somewhere recently and it rings true with you, and me.  I did say that I would take Forever27 as a challenge; I didn’t know it would mean so much to me.

girl cartoon

ugly girl complex

“This girls got a whacked out ugly girl complex.  She’s gorgeous.”

“I think she’s ugly.”

“I think she doesn’t matter.”

“She is something else.”

peace signs

proud moment

I like the way she doesn’t care what people think of her.  For example, her interest in the following photo feels like this moment had been placed, based on where this article began:

interracial lesbians

I am trying to make a point about womanhood; rebels without a cause tend to have causes.

I’d rather not think about negativity, although I appreciate it as a reminder.  To me this photograph is a reminder of the suffering of womanhood; it lays it to rest in just the right way for me.  I guess that’s why I love the Britney “Control Freak” shot.  I am a control freak, which says a lot about me, and I am a “true artist” which also says a lot about it; it’s pressures that were placed for no reason at all; does everyone feel this?  I was feeling peaceful about reality, like about how its all been done so I can chill because life makes sense, and then its like wait a second; I’m living life too, and what have I been working toward…something about human suffering, so its okay to tend to my own.

strength vs. “tired”

If you aren’t “clever” enough to understand me, that’s okay.  I’ll do my best.  There is a difference in when people use the word “tired” as overdone, or physically tired, and there are a lot of variations of the two.  For example something can feel tired, and then all of a sudden have a slight familiar appeal, or someone might feel too tired to engage, but feels they’ve got to keep on keeping on, and so they adjust in their mind the meaning of the word “energy” as well.

Here’s one.  I want to get this overwith and its a total microcosmic metaphor to me that I personally don’t give a shit how it comes out, and I need to comment on my elitist snobbery here because that is the cliche of myself that I am fighting.  I think.  I really don’t know and not knowing is a highly common feeling.

so according to some i “lived out of my car” and I know that I’ve used these words but I don’t feel bad about it or anything, and I feel completely misunderstood, and I very badly don’t want to give a shit, because I think I’m losing the energy to give a shit, oh shit- and now I’m nodding and gaining the energy to feel like myself again.  I’m not sure what it is, but it felt good to get it out, and I guess that’s what makes me a hippy who labels herself as a hippy.  I want people to know that “it’s okay,” and I don’t know what I mean by that, and all I have to say now is… that “it’s okay” not a bad saying.

a girl that i love no homo

This article shall remain photo-less, but not image-less for a description of her beauty is so grand that soon, if you continue to read, you will feel how beautiful she is, simply because her beauty gives me strength enough to write on it, especially the meaning of beauty, and I do not show her image, because only she will let you into her eyes.  What is it about girls who don’t let you in?  They are so strong, and that’s one reason why I love her.  She hides her beauty from the evils of the world so that they will not suffer her.  She is restoring her strength, regaining a sense of the wonders that caused others to prey upon her widsoms.  We, or is it only I who is still afraid to feel beautiful again?  We both know the exhaustive nature of beauty too well; never the less her beauty has always, continues to inspire me.