Gisele.
I’m listening to “Breed” and I feel all… and then I hear ‘gisele’ and what “breed” really means, and hasn’t the “art” world come a long way, but still kind of sucks that I know more about the details of celebrealities without truly having been curious about them? I don’t understand fascinations. Isn’t Gisele such an amazon and wouldn’t it be cool if that’s what he meant instead of “she said?”
preparedness i’m focusing on you and I like it.
My poetry has become: feminism trigger girl foreground beach background humanized nature blue like a color and pretty like a girl.
If the beach is where I belong, then of course I’m gonna end up with skin cancer, right?
caffeine is a wonderful social lubricant, in my humble opinion
Studies show simply being around happy people makes you happy, right? I don’t know. I think it’d break my heart to see all those people thinking they were happy at the beach while they were getting skin cancer… or would it? Do I have a way of sabotaging everything? Why am I thankful for it. It’s me. I have a feeling my “thankfulness” for it is adaptive. I’m pretty sure the fact that all I’m doing is “getting fucked up on caffeiene” and watching a movie I’ve avoided for… seven years… seven years… is it no coincidence that all I ever wanted was to be a writer, and I happen to be the perfect little poet? I resent how quaint and cute I am. I prey upon it to become stronger. I really dig the extra “e” I put in caffeine. I hate it without the extra “e.” I think I’ll spell it caffeiene, and only I will ever know the real reason I did that. Is this what it means to be a writer? Gloria Steinem I’d rather be a regular woman like you than be a writer. I know that you are a writer; it’s just that every woman is a writer, and I really think I’d like to leave it at that.
It’s like you’d never understand because I know how it feels to feel like Penny Lane in Almost Famous, and maybe you do and maybe you don’t; I hope you can. There is a certain magic to us girls; resenting the preceding statement, I revert back to a side of me that strives to be solely analytical.
Gravity. Magic. Girls. Is there anything wrong with the preceding three words all in a row like that? I apologize to my loved ones for living as though I’m dying, but something about lighting Grandpa’s Yarzheit candle earlier today helps make that all go away. Gratitude is fucking crazy man.
“Why are you taking love like it’s some kind of blessing?”
mystery man
I feel like I know what James Dean was like. I think most people could imagine. James Dean I thank you for your sexy naivete: focused to the point of destruction<-I heard that somewhere recently and it rings true with you, and me. I did say that I would take Forever27 as a challenge; I didn’t know it would mean so much to me.
ugly girl complex
“This girls got a whacked out ugly girl complex. She’s gorgeous.”
“I think she’s ugly.”
“I think she doesn’t matter.”
“She is something else.”
proud moment
I like the way she doesn’t care what people think of her. For example, her interest in the following photo feels like this moment had been placed, based on where this article began:
I am trying to make a point about womanhood; rebels without a cause tend to have causes.
I’d rather not think about negativity, although I appreciate it as a reminder. To me this photograph is a reminder of the suffering of womanhood; it lays it to rest in just the right way for me. I guess that’s why I love the Britney “Control Freak” shot. I am a control freak, which says a lot about me, and I am a “true artist” which also says a lot about it; it’s pressures that were placed for no reason at all; does everyone feel this? I was feeling peaceful about reality, like about how its all been done so I can chill because life makes sense, and then its like wait a second; I’m living life too, and what have I been working toward…something about human suffering, so its okay to tend to my own.
most image-ey pic of me
If you aren’t “clever” enough to understand me, that’s okay. I’ll do my best. There is a difference in when people use the word “tired” as overdone, or physically tired, and there are a lot of variations of the two. For example something can feel tired, and then all of a sudden have a slight familiar appeal, or someone might feel too tired to engage, but feels they’ve got to keep on keeping on, and so they adjust in their mind the meaning of the word “energy” as well.
Here’s one. I want to get this overwith and its a total microcosmic metaphor to me that I personally don’t give a shit how it comes out, and I need to comment on my elitist snobbery here because that is the cliche of myself that I am fighting. I think. I really don’t know and not knowing is a highly common feeling.
so according to some i “lived out of my car” and I know that I’ve used these words but I don’t feel bad about it or anything, and I feel completely misunderstood, and I very badly don’t want to give a shit, because I think I’m losing the energy to give a shit, oh shit- and now I’m nodding and gaining the energy to feel like myself again. I’m not sure what it is, but it felt good to get it out, and I guess that’s what makes me a hippy who labels herself as a hippy. I want people to know that “it’s okay,” and I don’t know what I mean by that, and all I have to say now is… that “it’s okay” not a bad saying.
As an LMT, I have found it very difficult to blog about massage, perhaps because it is so personal to me, and for my clients is very private. In terms of wisdom, I feel I know nothing, but people can sometimes treat me as this endless being of mantra. This has been my main struggle. I both know nothing, and know a hell of a lot of super helpful information. I just feel lost. I feel like I know how to help. I am a helper. Its what I’ve always been, but do I like it? Did I become a massage therapist because I wanted to or because I happen to be good at helping people? I love rock and roll; working as an unpaid intern in the music industry has been stressful. Maybe if I was a different person I would know how to do it right, and that’s where I keep getting tripped up. I keep trying to turn myself into this other person, because I can; I don’t even realize that I’m doing it. Is being able to change just who I am, or something I would benefit from taking a break from? I am tired, and if I was my own LMT, I’d most certainly prescribe some rest.
The seven months I spent at The Finger Lakes School of Massage and my training in England and work in a prominent Manhattan spa could not prepare me to answer the following question: “How do I deal with chronic pain?” I see people suffering constantly. Those that have fibromyalgia or other illnesses that manifest in chronic pain, my heart pours out to. At this moment, I feel all out of answers and hope, and I don’t like that. Chronic pain is something I live with as well, and I don’t like that I am without an answer to this question. Lately its affected me more than my inflated ego would like to admit. My quality of life is lower or higher because of it? To be honest, lower. I’d love to try to be clever and find some way of twisting it into a positive, but it just isn’t, like “I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it.” In this moment I feel hopeless and want to share ways of dealing with chronic pain.
People tell me I’m that good, that I can actually heal. It’s not the easiest thing to sit with.
#pressure
quieting the aggravation? abundance?
I am at a library and I just heard a woman say that “computers make us very impatient.” Funny cause that’s pretty much the reason that aggravation abounds, but I brought myself back down to earth, I think. Go get a massage.
cozyredrosie 